Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum. Our oldest, a boy of 6, thinks that he is in charge of everything. He is in charge of every game, every digging session, and every clean-up job. He will constantly dominate every interaction with his younger siblings (boy 4 & girl 2) and attempts to control them. If his commands are not adhered to, he will yell and threaten etc. He cannot tolerate his younger brother superseding him in any way: "you a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have gone through a lot the past few months and after reading this column thought that it would be a good idea to see a therapist to help me deal with my issues. I thought it would be a simple process but when I contacted a respected local therapist, she told me that I would need to see her twice a week and she also recommended that my family go through a regimen of weekly therapy sessions. That’s quite a lot, not to menti …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We recently acceded to our daughter’s request to begin seeing a psychologist weekly. This is related to some eating disorder and body image issues. Without going into the specifics we were given a bad recommendation by a friend as to which psychologist to send to. This psychologist clearly did not share our values and we believed she would not be appropriate for our impressionable teenage daughter. So we switched her to a di …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our son recently acknowledged that he has been experiencing extreme anxiety over the last 6-8 months. This has been something that his...[principal]...had been concerned about and mentioned to him, but he denied anything was wrong. I think that finally it got so bad that he couldn’t push it away anymore and he is coming to us for help. The issue is he is supposed to go to learn in...[Israel]...next...[semester]...along with …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 11th, 2018

Dear Therapist: There is a specific issue that I have been holding in for a long time. I understand that it is something that is very serious and needs to be discussed with a therapist. The issue is that it is a very serious thing that I am worried will need to be brought to the attention of the authorities. This is something I don’t want to happen. So, I am stuck, not getting the help that I need. Obviously, I can’t be specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am 46 and have been living with anxiety my entire life. Every few years I go back to therapy for a while until I start feeling better. Then I stop with my therapist and it gets me through a year or two then it gets bad again and I wind up back in therapy again. I tried medication for a while a few years back but the side effects weren't really worth it. I have done 2 rounds of CBT where I analyzed my thinking patterns and how th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: What is it with camps scaring the wits out of kids. How come all the scary plays, Holocaust stories, and color war breakouts. Granted my kids are a bit sensitive but do I need to have them come home from day camp all terrorized? Are these things appropriate? Are my kids just wimps? Can these types of things negatively impact kids?   Response:              & …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 19th, 2021

Dear Therapist: My 13-year-old daughter is an intense child. She puts a lot of pressure of herself academically and school is a big deal for her. All of her friends are going to (overnight) camp this summer and initially she had us register her as well. She is now insisting that she wants to stay home for the summer and "relax." She says she works hard all year, and she just wants a chance to have nothing to do. It is interesting that it doe …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 15th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I have always been jealous of those who are able to keep calm when everything around them is in crisis. There are some people who it seems no matter what is going on around them are able to keep cool, stay rational, and make sound decisions. I always tend to panic and do exactly the wrong thing. Is this just a personality type that you are born with or is this something you can develop? If it is something you can really become goo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am not a happy person. Is there a way to change that? That is honestly my whole question. I am pretty much fine in every way, I have a good husband, healthy...kids, a decent job, we have decent...[lifestyle]...are part of a nice...[community]...etc.. Yes, I have the stresses of every...family but nothing major. With all that said I am a pretty moody and cynical person. If I am being fully honest, I always have been. I sometimes …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: I find the letters and responses to the Couch very informative. Would it be possible for the panelists to share advice on how to detect narcissistic behaviors? I had an awful experience with a narcissistic individual and tried so hard to make it work. However, if I would have been aware of the classic signs of narcissists, I would have realized early on that it would not work. Narcissists are very charismatic people that are  …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Hi. We'd like your guidance regarding a challenging aspect of our 15 year old son. Our son...[is]...intelligent, articulate, and good-looking. He's musical, writes incredible stories and has a sense of humor. The challenge: he doesn't know how to properly regulate frustration/unmet expectations/dealing with things he disagrees with. When he gets upset, he has no control over what he says. If something ticks him off, he'll rant and …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I would like to thank you for this insightful column that so many gain from weekly.  As a...[high school rabbi]...I occasionally need to send a...[boy]...to therapy when I feel that his struggles may be mental health related and...I have generally had good experiences. There is a question that comes up that I would like to hear your opinion on. When are a...[boy's]...struggles or lack of motivation in learning something that …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our daughter experienced a significant trauma when she was in seminary last year. It had been suggested a few times, both by her school and once she came home, that she go for treatment. For whatever reason she refused. She now approached us that she would like to speak to someone about what she experienced and saw. We read this column regularly and would like to hear your recommendation regarding what is the best type of approach …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I wonder if the esteemed panel can elaborate a bit on "happiness." There is so much attention today being paid to being happy. It is even enshrined in the declaration of independence as a right. I sometimes wonder if the fact that people chase happiness, which can be so elusive, actually makes them more miserable. As therapists...I was hoping you could share your thoughts on happiness...and the path towards it.   Response: Ha …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I know this is more of a...[dating]...question, but I would love to hear the perspectives of mental health professionals on this. I am getting engaged and I am excited. I am so grateful that I got everything I wanted (and much more). At the same time as so much excitement, I am also really nervous, it's such a huge decision and even though I spoke it over with my parents and mentors, I still just feel how huge it is. I feel like w …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am someone who has occasionally had trouble with my moods. I have gotten help in the past with anxiety and depression. While I am currently doing really well, I still have a rough time in the morning. I wake up with a lot of anxiety and it takes time for me to get out of bed. Once I get out of bed I generally do ok and have a good day. There are no noticeable "triggers” for me in the morning so there is no obvious reason t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My sister-in-law sees an unlicensed therapist. This concerns me and I asked my sister-in-law about it who assured me that the therapist has very solid training and good results and she is happy with her. This doesn't sound right or ethical to me, but I am not sure what to do, if anything. I would appreciate the thoughts of the panel members.   Response: Generally speaking, it’s not ethical for someone who is unlicensed …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: A few years ago, I went to a therapist to deal with something very difficult going on in my life.  Instead of validating my pain and letting me share my feelings in a non-judgmental environment, my therapist hurt me deeply.  She said things that damaged my self-esteem more than anyone in my life had ever done.  You might say that she was trying to help me grow?  There is a way to say things to someone.  Th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have a few small children, the oldest of whom is six years old, who can be quite difficult. My husband often threatens them, jokingly, with all sorts of physical punishments for their behavior, some mild and others outrageous. He says it is a harmless way to let off some of his stress. I am concerned about the effects of this on their psychological development. I know how literal little kids are, and I see the expressions on the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has been seeing a therapist who has been treating her using cognitive behavioral therapy. She has not made that much improvement and our family doctor suggested she see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is recommending that she take medication to help with this. However, her therapist is strongly discouraging taking medication and is adamant that she has the strength withi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Here is a question I've been troubled by for a while. Many times, people will send their kid or spouse to therapy, but the kid or spouse is somewhat in denial or confused. They may see reality in a twisted way or be somewhat lying to themself or only see their side of the picture due to their emotional/mental health issue. When they sit and talk to the therapist, they are only giving over that twisted picture o …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

What is self-esteem? This elusive term is often bandied about by professionals and laymen alike. "I have no self-esteem," "You need to build your self-esteem," and "My self-esteem took a hit" have become common phrases. Building self-esteem has, in many ways, become the mantra of contemporary society. It is often a concern of parents, educators, mental health and other professionals. Yet, what does it really mean? Many parents view their children …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: My 30-year-old daughter had suffered from anxiety for a long time. After a course of psychotherapy was not successful, she began seeing a psychiatrist and started taking an anti-depressant (which is also supposed to help for anxiety). This was very life enhancing for her and she has really thrived since then. Recently she says that new research has shown that antidepressants really don’t work, and it is all a “placebo& …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

August 13th, 2020

Dear Therapist: There has been a lot of talk on the risk/reward of opening the economy vs continuing the quarantine. There has been a lot of mention of the significant mental health issues that could arise both directly from extended quarantine as well as from the economic impact that maintaining the shutdown has on people’s finances. While you may not be public health experts or epidemiologists, I was hoping you could share your educated o …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 1st, 2021

Dear Therapist: I have heard that COVID-19 illness can have effects on mental health. Based on your knowledge and experience is there any truth to this? If yes, how can someone prevent and/or deal with this appropriately?    Response: Your question is a bit unclear. I don’t know whether you are referring to possible physical side effects that can medically adversely affect the brain, or if you are referring to the psychological ef …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old...I have tremendous emotional difficulties: anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive looping, and depression. I also struggle with trauma and an unhealthy childhood. While I was skeptical of therapy, I decided to give it a try. I saw a highly recommended therapist for 8 months and found it to be a disappointing experience.  While it helped me gain clarity about myself and a brilliant understanding of mindfulness, …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: I...[have]...a lot of friends...[dating]...and one of my best friends is about to start. Now this friend went through a very rough childhood and his father was very abusive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. His parents never really got along and they went to family therapy. Now from what I see that wasn't enough and I think there is a lot more he needs to work on...My question is how I tell hi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Our 14-year-old son has been seeing a therapist for a few months on the advice of his yeshiva. Recently my husband discovered that he has started smoking. It was disappointing and confusing to us that our son told us that his therapist has known for a while that he was smoking. I am very disappointed that the therapist didn't deem this information important enough to share with us, his parents. I would like to hear your option on …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a sixteen-year-old girl, and I hope you can help me with my struggle.  I will go straight to the point.  I feel extremely uncomfortable in my skin; I feel very blown up and fat.  I know that maybe that's not how I look, but this is how I feel.  I badly want to be (super) thin.  My family thinks and says I am thin.  Whenever I go hungry I don't have this uncomfortable pit in my stomach.  Yet …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a rebbe [Hebrew teacher] I am often asked to make recommendations for what type of help is best for a bochur [adolescent boy]. When a child or teenager is struggling socially (but otherwise a pretty normal kid), what type of help is best for him? Is it social skills training? Help with social anxiety? Or is he just maybe an introvert that is best left alone? I know that you can't answer for a child you never met …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a high school teacher, I often have the opportunity to speak to my students on a one-on-one basis. I would love guidance on differentiating between a teenager going through regular ups and downs and needing some advice and a listening ear, and a girl who is struggling in a way that warrants professional help. Additionally, in your experience is there a way to get the girl on board to get the help she needs if she does not want/ …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

October 23rd, 2020

Dear Therapist: As the school year hopefully begins, I am somewhat concerned about my elementary school children who have not been on a regular structure/schedule since Purim. I wonder if there is any advice you can give us on how to manage the transition back to normalcy? Or maybe it's nothing and the kids will bounce right back into it? Also, are there any signs we should look out for that would indicate an issue?   Response: I&r …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son is going to sleepaway camp for the first time this summer. While he is excited about this he has always had difficulty adjusting to new situations and environments. Meaning he has a bit of an anxious personality. That being the case we are wondering if you have any advice as to how to "prevent" homesickness? What can we do to best prepare him for his first sleepaway experience? I also wonder what you think of m …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: Something has been bothering me for a while and I finally feel like I need to reach out for advice. I have these thoughts that get stuck in my head and no matter what I do I can't seem to get rid of them. For example, I feel like I might do something dangerous and no matter what I do I can't shake that thought or feeling. I never actually do anything, but I am really worried that one day I might. There are a lot of things that I a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: It can be sad to see all the different issues people are facing in the area of mental health. I wonder if...you could each share a short success story from your practice about how someone was able to reach their goals and enhance their lives?   Response: To preserve confidentiality, I cannot refer to specifics. However, I think that most therapists would agree that their successes tend to make all their work worthwhile. While …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: A few months ago, I bought out my partner who I started my business with....things have gone better than I could have ever imagined. Recently, however, I have become very overwhelmed trying to stay on top of the growth of the company. I have mentioned to some friends and family how I have been feeling and I am met with a lot of flak for complaining about something that is a positive thing. I understand that, but the fact is that I …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 18th, 2021

Dear Therapist: I am 43 years old and consider myself a healthy person...Recently I began having trouble sleeping. Sometimes falling asleep, but also waking up in middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. My doctor said there is nothing wrong with me physically and it is stress related. We have indeed been having some difficulty with our teenage daughter recently. At this point I am winding up tired throughout the day and I stre …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Our 20-year-old son insists that no one understands him. This is not in a bitter way; rather he seems to think that everything about him is so deep and complex that no matter how we respond he still thinks we don’t get it. We have been extremely patient with him and spent a lot of time listening and validating but, for whatever reason, he still thinks we just can’t understand him. He will give lengthy...talks …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2022

Dear Therapist: Our 10-year-old daughter has been complaining of headaches and stomachaches.  This seems to happen whenever something is going on in her life, particularly when there are changes such as school starting, camp, and around...[holiday]...time when there is a change in schedule. We discussed it with her pediatrician who said there is nothing medical going on. She suggested that we begin by having a conversation with her about wha …
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