Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

What is self-esteem? This elusive term is often bandied about by professionals and laymen alike. "I have no self-esteem," "You need to build your self-esteem," and "My self-esteem took a hit" have become common phrases. Building self-esteem has, in many ways, become the mantra of contemporary society. It is often a concern of parents, educators, mental health and other professionals. Yet, what does it really mean? Many parents view their children …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

Most people have a sense of self. This is different from self-esteem. Where the latter refers to someone's ability to recognize his intrinsic aspects and, through these, feel positively about himself, the former is often based simply on preconceived notions, without introspection, that tell a person something about who he is. Though the goal should be for sense of self and self-esteem to become synonymous, this is, for most people, a very difficu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

Most people have a sense of self. This is different from self-esteem. Where the latter refers to someone's ability to recognize his intrinsic aspects and, through these, feel positively about himself, the former is often based simply on preconceived notions, without introspection, that tell a person something about who he is. Though the goal should be for sense of self and self-esteem to become synonymous, this is, for most people, a very difficu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

I have, in the past, defined true self-esteem as a positive feeling about oneself based on intrinsic attributes, similar to the way that we feel about others for whom we have esteem. What are the benefits of having true self-esteem, and what are the consequences of not having a positive sense of self? While there are many mental health issues that can be strongly impacted by low self-esteem, anxiety and depression appear to be the most common. In …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

I don't believe that anyone can reach the peak of true self-esteem. We all view ourselves externally at least to some extent. The goal is to reduce externally based feelings about ourselves and to increase those intrinsically based. Some people will focus on building self-esteem so as to reduce or eliminate depressive or anxious feelings. Others can continually work toward an increasingly better sense of self. The great irony of self-esteem is th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 11th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I know this sounds almost cliché but I can’t get my wife to stop spending money. Sounds like a bad joke no? I work hard and make a very nice living but she seems to have no awareness of financial responsibility. Whenever I speak to her she feels bad about it but it doesn’t really stop her. I don’t want to turn this into a huge fight, and she is sensitive to confrontation, but I’m telling you it&rsquo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 11th, 2018

Dear Therapist: There is a specific issue that I have been holding in for a long time. I understand that it is something that is very serious and needs to be discussed with a therapist. The issue is that it is a very serious thing that I am worried will need to be brought to the attention of the authorities. This is something I don’t want to happen. So, I am stuck, not getting the help that I need. Obviously, I can’t be specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old...I have tremendous emotional difficulties: anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive looping, and depression. I also struggle with trauma and an unhealthy childhood. While I was skeptical of therapy, I decided to give it a try. I saw a highly recommended therapist for 8 months and found it to be a disappointing experience.  While it helped me gain clarity about myself and a brilliant understanding of mindfulness, …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We...have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright...The problem is that he likes to eat and has been steadily gaining since 5 years old. First it was 10 pounds, then 20, and now more each passing year. At almos …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

June 28th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son is a very sensitive boy and every time I tell him “no” or reprimand him for something, as I would to any of my other children, he always looks deeply hurt. Should I treat him differently than, or the same as, my other children? I feel that in life he will have to deal with “no”s and not everything will go his way and people will tell him off. Am I correct in my judgment?   Response: Your questio …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

July 5th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column, I really enjoy the panelists’ responses. I have decided to seek therapy because of my eating habits and low self-esteem. I started seeing a therapist with whom I was very happy and I enjoyed going every week. After around two months the therapist informed me that she will be opening her own private practice and referred me to a different therapist. I had a very hard time with this as …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a problem falling asleep so I take sleeping pills. They leave me feeling groggy throughout the day. My question, dear panelists, is: is it better to lie in bed awake until I’d fall asleep naturally, if ever, and be tired the next day, or to sleep with the pills and be tired the next day?   Response: As a non-prescriber, I cannot speak to the effects of various medications, whether over-the-counter or prescribed. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

July 26th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am very concerned about the group of friends that my 14-year-old son has chosen. He has changed a lot for the worse since they started hanging out. It's a whole "pack" that spends all their time together and they are all negative influences on each other. The...school...is struggling to try and figure out how to deal with them. I am hopeful that you could suggest a way that we could separate him from them. All our requests, plea …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My brother went through a very difficult...[time]as a teenager...He is doing much better now and continues to grow. He has always been welcome in my home and behaved appropriately around my children (his nephews). He is great with them, they love him and he adores them. As my children grow older I am becoming more concerned about his influence on them. He is not always careful about the language he uses in front of them and recent …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum. Our oldest, a boy of 6, thinks that he is in charge of everything. He is in charge of every game, every digging session, and every clean-up job. He will constantly dominate every interaction with his younger siblings (boy 4 & girl 2) and attempts to control them. If his commands are not adhered to, he will yell and threaten etc. He cannot tolerate his younger brother superseding him in any way: "you a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

August 20th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am struggling with a problem I fear is most uncommon. I have recently started practicing as a therapist. This is a positive thing, or at least it should be. My concern is that some friends of mine from the past have begun to resent speaking with me because they feel that I will automatically treat them as clients. This is mostly, but not limited to, secret or personal events in their lives. My question is, as therapists what are …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My daughter has just left for a year of seminary in...[Israel]. I am concerned about the amount of time she is spending in her just married...sister’s house. She has only been in...[Jerusalem]...the last few weeks but, by all accounts, she is spending way too much time there.  I know it's early but I want to deal with this before it becomes an issue. This doesn't seem to bother either of my daughters but I am concerned …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother. I always blamed myself. As I get older, with the help of some friends, I can realize some of the issues. It is impossible to have a normal conversation with her. It’s like she won’t say straightforward what she means, and nothing gets resolved. For example, I can tell she is angry and something I did upset her, but she denies it but then seems to ignore me for …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

September 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an older year old single...I have been told I am picky, unable to make a commitment, lazy, unambitious and many other diagnoses and labels. Many people have suggested that I “speak to someone” (meaning a therapist) in order to resolve the major issues I must have if I am not married at the old age of 28. I think I have just not yet met the right person. Thoughts?   Response: You clearly believe that you don&r …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My very bright, mature, lovable, happy 5-year-old son has begun to experience what I have been told is called "night terror". He is a very happy child during the day, definitely with a more intense personality, but very healthy and well-adjusted and extremely bright. At night, he will wake up in terror, screaming, cowering in the corner, looking at me or my husband with terror, eyes opened wide, with real fear...and then a few min …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My younger sister (20 years old) got married last year...I am struggling with my own emotions about it. My sister was in seminary and already decided she was going to date when she came home. She “asked me” permission to date when I came to visit her that year—but only because my father told her she should. Then, when she came home she began dating immediately. My parents did not bother discussing this with me fi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

October 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an 8-year-old boy. There is an older boy who beats me up and bothers me every day on the bus. He is bigger than me and if I ignore him he just acts worse. There is nothing the...[school]...can do because there is no teacher on the bus. I really worry about it a lot and I don't like going to school anymore (although it is true that I really like it once I get there). My parents said I can write to you to ask you for advice. &n …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have been married for almost a year. Overall things are good. The problem is that whenever my husband and I have a disagreement he will completely shut down. For example, I didn't appreciate that he came home really late the other night and I told him so but instead of discussing it he got all offended and basically avoided me for 2 days. I get the impression that he thinks that I am never allowed to be upset at him or justified …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My parents are very controlling, critical, self-centered and emotionally unstable (they may possibly have personality disorders). One of my sisters recently started disconnecting by minimizing her interactions with my parents. My parents are very hurt and angry and are trying many tactics to change my sister's behaviors (which includes badmouthing her...). I come from a large family and all of the children are married. We have all …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

November 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: We are parents of 4 lovely boys...The house is very "rough and tumble" and while the boys often play very well together they also get physical with each other. We are having trouble figuring out when to intervene and when to let it go. We feel that on the one hand they need to learn to work it out among themselves; on the other hand at some point we need to intervene. Can you please give us some guidelines in raising rambunctious …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

December 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: One of our children is obsessed with death. He is 6 years old and is constantly asking questions about it. He asks us when we will die, when bubby [Grandma] and zaidy [Grandpa] will die, etc. It used to be kind of cute when he planned for our demise, but recently he has been getting much more serious about it. He has been worrying more and has been waking up with "bad dreams" in middle of the night. We try to b …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

December 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am currently involved in a medical crisis (I was diagnosed with an illness, but we are not sure how serious it is yet). I need to get a lot of opinions from doctors and make choices regarding my treatment. I have never really been an assertive person but now I am really lost. Everyone has an opinion, I have no idea what to do and the doctors are talking over my head. It seems that if I don’t push I don’t get answered …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

December 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our 16 year old son was suffering from severe stomach pains. We took him to a specialist who basically said that he would have to make some small changes to his diet, and a follow a regimen every day, if he wanted to get better. In the beginning, he basically followed her instructions, but he started struggling with keeping to the regimen, and sure enough, the pain came back. Now he started following the instructions again, but so …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

December 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have over the last few years lost my ability to socialize. I have always been a quiet person but I hung out with the friends I grew up with and that was enough. Now they have all gotten married and are busy with their families and I really have no relationships. When I am with people it’s not so much that I am afraid to talk; it’s just that for the life of me I can’t think of anything to say. Can you please rec …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am 46 and have been living with anxiety my entire life. Every few years I go back to therapy for a while until I start feeling better. Then I stop with my therapist and it gets me through a year or two then it gets bad again and I wind up back in therapy again. I tried medication for a while a few years back but the side effects weren't really worth it. I have done 2 rounds of CBT where I analyzed my thinking patterns and how th …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I often experience what seem like dramatic mood changes. One day I'll wake up with loads of energy ready to take on the world and the next I will sit in bed trying to convince myself to get out of bed. I am sometimes full of joy and optimism and other times just retreat into myself. My friends joke that I am "bipolar." I asked my doctor about it and his response was something to the effect of, "We all have our ups and downs" and t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 28-year-old daughter who has a slipped disc. She is in chronic pain and nothing seems to be working (PT, etc.). Surgery has been suggested but we are trying to avoid it because of the inherent risks. My husband and I are becoming more and more concerned about her use of pain medication. Some of the medicine she has been prescribed is highly addictive and we are concerned about her developing a real issue …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My sister-in-law sees an unlicensed therapist. This concerns me and I asked my sister-in-law about it who assured me that the therapist has very solid training and good results and she is happy with her. This doesn't sound right or ethical to me, but I am not sure what to do, if anything. I would appreciate the thoughts of the panel members.   Response: Generally speaking, it’s not ethical for someone who is unlicensed …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I was recently at a meeting at my son's...school...and was told that my son should be evaluated by a neuropsychologist. When I asked why, the principal suggested that he should be tested to see if he has a nonverbal learning disability. I have scheduled an appointment, but was curious what this condition is, how it would present...and what can be done about it. I am looking for practical suggestions that can work within our system …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have always struggled in several areas such as concentration, inability to complete projects, and too much talking. I have read articles about this and some seem to suggest that this is about anxiety while others indicate that it is ADHD related. How do I differentiate between these two possibilities?   Response: There are many symptoms that can apply to various disorders. Sometimes it can be difficult to ascertain which pr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has been seeing a therapist who has been treating her using cognitive behavioral therapy. She has not made that much improvement and our family doctor suggested she see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is recommending that she take medication to help with this. However, her therapist is strongly discouraging taking medication and is adamant that she has the strength withi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

February 14th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Without going into the gory details my husband and are having serious problems in our marriage. We have been married 10 years and have 3 children...Some have suggested that we go for therapy as a couple. This might be a good idea but others have warned us not to because "therapists will wind up pushing you to get divorced." Things are bad but this is not what we want at all. Can you please give us some guidance (reassurance?) rega …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 20 something year old girl struggling with...finding Mr. Right. In the meantime I am living at home with my parents and here lies the problem. My mother doesn't realize but she is singling me out for emotional mistreatment. Nothing I say, think, or wear is good enough. My opinions are too left wing, my clothing is too tight, this outfit doesn't make me look good. All day every day that's all I hear from her. It's come to a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old boy...When I introduce myself to new people I turn red in the face. This is something that I feel I can't control as much as I prep myself before. This is extremely embarrassing. Can you please explain why this happens and how I can deal with it?   Response: I well understand your concern. It’s humiliating to be overtly embarrassed. It’s one thing to feel a little uncomfortable; it’s quite …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW-R, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I once used the services of a graphologist to gain some insight into myself and my challenges. I sent in my handwriting and a drawing, and I received a short reply with some advice, basically that I am living in a way that I exert myself very strongly, striving to force myself to be something I am not, and I must stop living with my illusions and focus on being myself and achieve according to my ability in order for me to be happy …
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